Otec troch detí napísal svojmu minulému bezdetnému “ja” list: Manželky sú skutočné superhrdinky!

To aby manželstvo klapalo nie je vždy jednoduché a keď sa stanete rodičmi to tento stres a nátlak iba prehlbuje. Rodičia často tápajú vo svojej minulosti, chceli by vrátiť čas späť a spraviť niečo inak. Preto sa Ted Gonder, hrdý otec troch detí, rozhodol napísať list pre svoje 24-ročné bezdetné “ja” a tak pomôcť budúcim oteckom. Je to akousi pripomienkou toho aby sa snažili byť pre svoje manželky tým najlepším partnerom a oporou. 

 

Spoznajte Teda a jeho rodinu

“Teraz mám 29 rokov a tri deti s mojou manželkou Franziskou, ktorá ich vynosila a porodila ako profík. Tu je to čo by som chcel odkázať môjmu 24-ročnému bezdetnému “ja” o tom ako byť nápomocný partner počas fázy, keď sa máte stať rodičmi.”

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Happy holidays to EVERYONE. I feel lucky and proud to be spending the holidays with my little tribe, and hope you get to be spending yours with those you love, too. If you do, lean in and be really damn grateful because a lot of people aren’t so fortunate. A lot of people this week are mourning a recently lost loved one, or are working a job they hate just to pay rent, or are “celebrating” with people who aren’t supportive, or are separated by war and conflict from those they love, or are too ill to even enjoy life anymore. Please remember to cherish the moments you have. Be present. Hug tightly. Laugh from the belly. Converse with such depth and honesty that tears stream down your cheeks. It’s all going to be over soon. The year isn’t over yet. Make it count.

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# 1  Pomôžte sa jej zotaviť

“Moja ženuška nosila dieťa V jej brušku 9 mesiacov. Takže vy môžete nosiť dieťa NA Vašom bruchu počas deviatich mesiacov vždy keď to bude možné. To jej pomôže zotaviť sa a taktiež to utužuje puto s Vašim dieťaťom viac ako by ste si mysleli.”

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Happy Monday! 11 counterintuitive life lessons that have surprised me: . 1. Getting comfortable being alone was essential to build thriving relationships. Knowing I’d be fine on my own enabled me to love without existential fear of loss. . 2. Huge frustration usually precedes huge breakthroughs. Knowing there’s a light at the end of the tunnel helps when all you see is red. . 3. One of the most effective forms of meditation is housework: laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, making your bed. Bonus: Reframing chores as meditation makes them more exciting. . 4. Having lots of kids actually reduced the overall complexity in my life by showing me what’s real and what’s not. In retrospect I used to waste tons of energy over analyzing the most basic of life decisions from a place of ego; decisions since having kids are fast and easy. . 5. The best way to get my diet under control was to start working out like an athlete. Yes it made me hungrier but it also made me reframe food as medicine and fuel, and changed my identity…which is the most important pillar for long term habit transformation. . 6. The best way to find lasting friendships is to put yourself in positions where fake friends will leave you and real friends will stay by you. This means saying bold shit and doing bold shit. And I mean bold however you define it for yourself. . 7. Long distance relationships suck but also have big advantages: in the absence of physical presence, you’re forced to have important conversations earlier, which helps you figure out if you’re a match for the long term. . 8. When people tell you as a young ambitious person that experience doesn’t matter or that experience is only one factor for success, they are either lying or wrong. Experience is irreplaceable. So go get lots of it, fast, and absorb everyone else’s. . 9. The newest hottest books and ideas are usually very low in value compared to older ideas. There is usually a reason the Great Books and ancient wisdom are still topping Amazon lists today. . 10. If someone is gossiping about others with you, chances are they are also gossiping about you to others. . Lots more where this came from… 🧐🤓

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# 2  Preberte zodpovednosť za prebaľovanie

“Moja ženuška dojčí a aj keď je to nádherné a pre ňu naplňujúce, je to vyčerpávajúce. Takže vymeňte KAŽDÚ plienky, ktorú môžete. Od prvej plienky až po ďalšie. Pocit znechutenia Vás prejde veľmi rýchlo. A takto predídete nezhodám a hnevu vo vzťahu. V skutočnosti, keď sa všetky kamarátky Vašej manželky sťažujú ako sú ich manželia akoby neprítomný a nepodporujú ich, Vaša manželka sa bude Vami iba chváliť.”

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My wife @franzilovesmondays with a brilliant dose of perspective, truth, and gratitude. ⠀⠀ “Lets talk #paternityleave – I have never felt so emotionally safe and protected than during this postpartum journey. Why? Because @tedgonder had the chance to take a 4-week paternity leave from his #remote leadership position while kids were on summer break and new life moved into our house. Here is what this meant for us and got me thinking about: – he was able to take the boys on adventurous afternoons and get their energy out while I recovered and rested with little Atlas – we were able to sync as a family and feel connected from day one (and yes…that is important for dads too!!) – we share the love, the new emotional labor of caring for another child, and the commitment to making this family adventure a meaningful one (not exhausting one) for all of us – because I was living with and surrounded by my sister, our best friend and the kids' god father and my husband plus my mum I never had the feeling that I have to toughen up and just do it on my own. Where are all the communities and mama supporters these days? How have we as mums gotten to the point where motherhood is a race to the top rather than a shared vision of raising a village of strong, fun, fulfilled, and connected kids? – have we ever thought about the correlation of postpartum #depression and loneliness? Becoming a mom…no matter whether its for the first, second, or fifth time is a hormonal and physical sensation that should be a) appreciated and b) enjoyed… With my husband at home I feel like I was 100% able to do so. – last but not least: those boys are also my husband's kids. He loves them. He wants to be around them. He wants to make them feel like that we are a strong-rooted family… So why would he not benefit emotionally from this break of everyday work-AND family life and just be a #dad for a moment? ⠀⠀ As an entrepreneurial family, I am shouting this out to all other fellow entrepreneurs thinking about the #mentalhealth of their employees. Be at the forefront of making life possible for your teams- that is how potential and productivity get unleashed” #mytinytribe #baby #mom #digitalnomad

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# 3  Prejavte svoju vďačnosť jednoduchými gestami

“Každé ráno jej spravte bezkofeínovú kávu. Aj napriek tomu ak ju nechá vychladnúť a zabudne ju vypiť pretože ráno opäť zaspí kým vy pracujete alebo (neskôr) beriete deti do školy. Celý noc bola hore aby nakŕmila dieťa tak jej pomôžte začať deň takým spôsobom aby sa vedela “zresetovať”.”

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Beach grubbin’ with my boy.

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# 4  Pripomeňte jej, že je ozajstná superhrdinka

“Povedzte jej, že je krásna a pomôžte jej aby aj v takýchto situáciách keď má nízke sebavedomie kvôli svojmu telu, aj ona videla, že je krásna. Pripomeňte jej aké ciele dosiahla v minulosti. Pripomeňte jej, že je superhrdinka. Veď prednedávnom pribrala 20 kíl a aby mohla porodiť Vaše dieťa, ktoré je darom po zvyšok Vášho života, posunuli sa jej v tele všetky orgány. Pomôžte jej aby sa preniesla cez problémy, ktoré môže mať kvôli svojmu telu a pomôžte jej sústrediť sa na pozitívne ciele deň po dni.”

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My wife @franzilovesmonday is such a badass. 39 weeks pregnant 🤰 and still getting in her 10,000 steps per day, crushing yoga and kettlebell flows, working practically full time for two clients, and being an awesome mom. – She does it all because she loves it all, and she is 100% shamelessly herself. – Which also means she isn’t afraid to say when she is having a hard day, or that it is all too much and she needs help. – Her willingness to be herself and ask for help has invited me to rise up as a more supportive partner and engaged dad than I could have imagined myself becoming when we decided to build our family. I was still 24 and she was 27, we didn’t have any friends our age with kids, and didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into. We just had a vision for our family and knew we were going to be on this life journey together. So we leapt into it. But I was scared to the bone that I’d be an inadequate family man. – Her belief in me is a huge part of the reason I’ve proven that fear wrong for myself. – And that’s how we meet each other every single day. With realness about our human flaws and struggles, overflowing unrelenting love, the daily decision to recommit, and the easy choice to believe in each other even more than we did the previous day.

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# 5  Vždy buďte jej oporou

“Priznajte si chybu a príjmite aj kritiku. Hormóny sa bláznia pred aj po pôrode. Nebude sa Vám každý deň zdať akoby to bola “ona” a niekedy povie veci, ktoré by nikdy nepovedala ak by sa necítila ako po opici, plná kofeínu alebo ako na steroidoch každý deň. Pamätajte na to, že Vašou prácou je byť jej opornou “skalou” takže sa zatnite a prekusnite aj to, keď má podrezanejší jazyk ako inokedy predtým. Čoskoro sa to vráti do normálu a ona bude vďačná za to, že ste svoje nervy udržali na uzde aj keď ona nemohla. Nebude tak dotknutá a zklamaná, že ste sa zmocnili jej emócii tým, že ste jej problémy preniesli na seba.”  

Franziska odpovedala na tento príspevok svojho manžela a podelila sa tiež o nejaké rady ohľadom vzťahov:

 

Franziska tvrdí, že hádky nemusia vzťahu uškodiť pokiaľ sa z nich poučíte a posuniete svoj vzťah ďalej. Samozrejme, že sa niekedy veci vymknú kontrole no to by ste mali brať ako odstrašujúcu príučku do budúcnosti aby ste vedeli čo urobiť nabudúce lepšie. Dobrý nápad je aj prediskutovanie rôznych tém ešte predtým ako sa rozhodnete spolu žiť. To zahŕňa domáce povinnosti ale aj vízie do budúcnosti. Franziska sa taktiež podelila o ich “kľúč” k šťastnému manželstvu – verí v to, že partneri by mali “bezpodmienečne a neustále investovali [čas] samým sebe”. Taktiež verí v to, že láska jedného k druhému by mala byť vždy aktívna.

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32 weeks pregnant and so beautiful.

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zdroj: facebook.com